Thanks,

/colin

In compliance with recent FDA guidelines for side effect disclosure:

Prolonged reading or exposure to Constructing Social has been shown to cause the following in cute lab animals and small children:

• Shortness of breath
• Dizziness
• Nausia
• Projectile vomiting
• Upset stomach
• Marriage and Anal leakage
• Extreme Flatulence
• Constipation
• Coma
• Death
• Hair loss
• Erections up to 3 hours in length

Women who are pregnant, want to become pregnant, or want to remain women should avoid contact with ConstructingSocial.

SPECIAL THANKS: Michael Schneider, Gradon Tripp, Rachel Levy, Jim Storer, Graham Nelson and the offices of Allen & Gerrittsen (which will never be the same): you are great!

Aaron Strout, C.C. Chapman, Jeff Cutler, Jason Falls, Mike Langford and even Chris Brogan share their thoughts on whether Chris Brogan has jumped the shark at the recent Inbound Marketing Summit.

Happy Friday to all – and most of all to Chris, my favorite shark jumper!

/colin

Happy Friday to all!

/colin

The Constructing Social team has been hard at work for the past four years to come up with a good social media knock-knock joke. After hundreds of hours of exhaustive research and testing, we have come to the shocking conclusion: there is no funny social media knock-knock joke.

The Constructing Social Lab sheepishly presents our attempts at social media knock-knock jokes:

Knock – Knock
Who’s There?
Sacha
Sacha who?
Sacha fuss over these green Twitter avatars!

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Aaron
Aaron who?
Aaron you going to make a @aaronstrout joke? (feel free to replace with @jowyang or @chrisbrogan)

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Sabina
Sabina who?
Sabina long time since you updated your blog!

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Usher
Usher who?
Usher wish you would follow me back on Twitter

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Value
Value who?
Value be my Facebook friend?

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Veal Chop
Veal Chop who?
Veal Chop around on Craig’s List and eBay for good deals

Knock – Knock
Who’s there?
Venice
Venice who?
Venice Google going to aquire Twitter?

Happy Friday all!  Please feel free to add funny social media knock-knocks in the comments!

/Colin

Draw Chris!

Do you think you have what it takes to become a social media expert?  Do you long for people only knowing your Twitter handle and not your name? Does your family bore you and are you longing for the more exciting world of Facebook, Twitter and blogging?  Were you often the last one picked on teams at school? Our simple test will quickly determine if you have what it takes to be a social media rock star!

Grab a pencil and paper now and see if you can draw Tippy (AKA Chris Brogan).  If you can, you probably have exactly what we are looking for.  Simpley try your best to copy our model expert and place your drawing in an envelope with your name, address and $50 check for processing made out to Constructing Social Institute.  The team at Constructing Social will then carefully review to see if you have the social media right stuff.

What are we looking for in our social media experts?  First: $5o.  Second: gullibility Third: what we call a wonderfully sheepish mentality.

Graduates of our program have gone on to great things such as the Boxborough, MA Fairgrounds Asst. Director of Social Media and most recently the head of social media at the Tunis-Ellicks House in New Vernon, NJ.

Happy Friday,

/colin

In a Constructing Social exclusive, we have received word from our Kentucky affiliate that Senator Al Gore has filed for trademark protection of the term ‘Internet’.  Following this week’s announcement that Twitter(TM)’s co-founder’s Biz Stone is trademarking the term Tweet, the former  Presidential candidate and well known founder of the Internet is capitalizing on what is sure to be a growing trend throughout the high technology industry.

Spokesperson for Mr. Gore’s technology initiatives, Jon O’Heard provided the following detail:

Senator Gore’s contribution to the infrastructure that we all take for granted every day should be more broadly recognized.  While we have no intention of going after companies that are using our term, frankly, we are very excited by the revenue prospects of suing their pants off!  Similar to Twitter, we have been searching for a source of revenue and this seems like an easy goldmine!

While details of Senator Gore’s plans are still emerging reported conversations with all major PC manufactures, Apple, and Microsoft have already begun.

Happy Friday!

-colin

Constructing Social is the only news source to ask the American public about the passage or FART and its impact – here is what several had to say:

You will note from the interviews that great social media technologies such as Radian6 and Awareness Networks can help us to not only prevent Acts like FART from passing silently but enable broader discussion of causes and enable us to accurately attribute blame.

Constructing Social encourages you to not sit and let these large congressmen pass FART: call, email or Tweet your local representative today and demand that these congressmen who passed FART be exposed!

Happy Friday Funnies!

/colin

If you enjoyed this – please wish Doug Haslam a Happy Birthday this weekend by supporting his fund raising efforts for Cancer research and cures in the PasMass challenge.

Monty Before Makeover

The Extreme Social Makeover program is designed for individuals that need far more than a vanity URL to entice others into accepting their friend requests.  While many are enjoying the new vanity URLs of Facebook, others can’t take advantage of social networks because their bad looks and general lack of intelligence prevent others from wanting to associate with them in any way.

The NML Extreme Social Makeover team works with these friendless, pathetic individuals and takes over their Facebook, Twitter and other profiles.  The ugly and friendless have the Extreme Social team replace their actual pictures and updates with photographs and updates designed to attract others.  Once an individual has completed a Makover they  suddenly look better and make  dramatically more intelligent statements- thereby boosting friends and followers.

Monty After Makeover

Ford‘s Scott Monty spoke of his experience in the Makeover program. “Before the Extreme Social Makeover, I was a Facebook nobody.  It was just like real life, everyone avoided me and didn’t talk to me.  After the makeover, I have have online friends and followers – they may be disappointed when they meet me in person, but it is a start!”  Monty went on to credit the Makeover program with his recent nomination to the Hottest Men on Twitter (congrats Mr. October).

NML reports the following details of the program:

• Replacement of all natural images of your ‘natural’ face with either photoshop enhancements or a model stand-in.
• Updates to all of your Facebook and twitter comments to remove all the dull, pointless messages and replace them with witty and fun comments
• Twitter and Facebook intercepts: NMLs partnership with Facebook and Twitter ensures protects you from comments like:

@scottmonty you look completely different in real life – what’s up with that?

replaced with:

@scottmonty: lookin’ sharp – you been working out?

The service has already been successfully implemented on Justin Levy and Chris Brogan of NML.

Happy Friday!

/colin

Cambridge, MA: Hubspot this week released their state of the Twittersphere report. While the information was eagerly awaited by many, the data analytics team of Constructing Social quickly went to work and overlayed our complex demographic and pyschographic map.

The results are startling: Twitter’s meteoric rise has been caused by ghosts that are trying to communicate with our world.  The graph at the left shows some of our key findings.  While indeed there are many live humans on Twitter, much of the traffic is made of of ghosts and paranormal activity.

Our intense research was supported by following key data points from Hubspot:

• # 75.86% of users have not entered a bio in their profile
• # 68.68% have not specified a location
• # 55.50% are not following anyone
• # 54.88% have never tweeted
• # 52.71% have no followers

The only logical explanation is that these accounts are run by ghosts.

While conducting research, the Constructing Social team was repeatedly interrupted with messages from @realghost.  After some back and forth we were able to have a conversation with @realghost who revealed that Twitter is home to many ghosts because they feel so safe in places that are completely without substance.

Both @god and @satan could not be reached for additional comments to verify these findings.

Happy Friday.

/colin

The BirdBrain(tm) allows individuals to transmit tweets simply by thinking them, without the annoying interference of keyboards or phones.  With minor brain surgery where some of the lesser used cognitive parts of the brain are removed for the transmitter/receiver and a fashionable, yet sleek antenna is affixed to the skull, the recipient is ready to tweet device-free.

The Constructing Social team was able to briefly talk to Mr. Brogan about his BirdBrain experience.  We have provided the transcript below:

ConstructingSocial: Mr. Brogan, how does it feel to just tweet out your thoughts?

Brogan: RT: Mr. Brogan, how does it feel to just tweet out your thoughts (via @constructingsocial)?

Brogan: @constructingsocial: the freedom is fantastic – it’s perfectly natural

ConstructingSocial: Thank you, interesting way to answer.  Has your already incredible volume of tweets increased since this operation?

Brogan: Thanks to everyone who pre-ordered our book, Trust Agents. Very cool! – http://bit.ly/trustagents

Brogan: @constructingsocial: golly no- more, better, great!

ConstructingSocial: So what has been the reaction of your friends and family to the Twitter BirdBrain?

Brogan: @constructingsocial: Everyone loves it – son uses my antenna to launch onion rings through the air

ConstructingSocial: Have you noticed any side effects to the surgery or perhaps any new strange speaking patterns?  I can’t help but notice that all your answers have been roughly within 140 characters.

Brogan: @constructingsocial: no one has really noticed any difference

Brogan:  @constructingsocial: there was the one time where I thought my account was haERRR GKWT PSFT…..

ConstructingSocial: Chris?  Chris? Are you OK?

Brogan’s Handler: Sorry, apparently the API request limit was reached within this hour.  When that happens he shuts down and just drools.

We were sorry we didn’t have more of Chris’ time, but we look forward to when his API resets and we can talk to him again.

The ConstructingSocial news team has been in touch with the advanced labs at Twitter to confirm if early prototypes of the BirdBrain were installed on others.  Rumors that Loren Feldman, Greg Verdino, Adam Broitman, and Seth Godin have early prototypes are still unconfirmed despite the remarkably similar hair styles.

/colin